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The Birds: Part II
The Birds: Part II
Chorus (singing). Ah! ah! We are betrayed; `tis sacrilege! Our friend, he
who picked up corn-seeds in the same plains as ourselves, has violated our
ancient laws! He has broken the oaths that bind all birds! He has laid a snare
for us, he has handed us over to the attacks of that impious race which
throughout all time has never ceased to war against us.
Leader of the Chorus. As for the traitorous bird, we will decide his case
later; but the two old men shall be punished immediately: we are going to tear
them to pieces.
Pisthetaerus. It`s all over with us!
Euelpides. You are the sole cause of all our trouble. Why did you bring
me from down yonder?
Pisthetaerus. To have you with me here.
Euelpides. Say rather to have me melt into tears.
Pisthetaerus. Go on! you are talking nonsense. How will you weep with
your eyes pecked out?
Chorus (singing). Io Io! forward to the attack, throw yourselves upon the
foe, spill his blood; take to your wings and surround them on all sides! Woe
to them! Let us get to work with our beaks, let us devour them. Nothing can
save them from our wrath, neither the mountain forests, nor the clouds that
float in the sky, nor the foaming deep.
Leader of the Chorus. Come, peck, tear to ribbons! Where is the chief of
the cohort? Let him engage the right wing. (They rush at the two Athenians.)
Euelpides. This is the fatal moment. Where shall I fly to, unfortunate
wretch that I am?
Pisthetaerus. What? Stay here!
Euelpides. And let them tear me to pieces?
Pisthetaerus. And how do you think to escape them?
Euelpides. I don`t know.
Pisthetaerus. Come, I will tell you. We must stop and fight them. Let us
arm ourselves with these stew-pots?
Euelpides. Why with the stew-pots?
Pisthetaerus. The owl will not attack us then.
Euelpides. But do you see all those hooked claws?
Pisthetaerus. Take the spit and pierce the foe on your side.
Euelpides. And how about my eyes?
Pisthetaerus. Protect them with this dish or this vinegar-pot.
Euelpides. Oh what cleverness! what inventive genius! You are a great
general, even greater than Nicias, where stratagem is concerned.
Leader of the Chorus. Forward, forward, charge with your beaks! Come, no
delay. Tear, pluck, strike, flay them, and first of all smash the stew-pot!
Epops (stepping in front of the Chorus). O most cruel of all animals,
why tear these two men to pieces, why kill them? What have they done to you?
They belong to the same tribe, to the same family, as my wife.
Leader of the Chorus. Are wolves to be spared? Are they not our most
mortal foes? So let us punish them.
Epops. If they are your foes by nature, they are your friends in heart,
and they come here to give you useful advice.
Leader of the Chorus. Advice or a useful word from their lips, from
them, the enemies of our fathers?
Epops. The wise can often profit by the lessons of a foe, for caution is
the mother of safety. It`s just the sort of thing one cannot learn from a
friend and which an enemy compels one to know. To begin with, it`s the foe
and not the friend that taught cities to build high walls, to equip long
vessels of war; and it`s this knowledge that protects our children, our
slaves, and our wealth.
Leader of the Chorus. Well, then, I agree. Let us first hear them, for
that is best; one can learn something even in an enemy`s school.
Pisthetaerus (to Euelpides). Their wrath seems to cool. Draw back a
little.
Epops. It`s only justice, and you will thank me later.
Leader of the Chorus. Never have we opposed your advice up to now.
Pisthetaerus. They are in a more peaceful mood. Put down your stew-pot
and your two dishes; spit in hand, for a spear, let us mount guard inside the
camp close to the pot and watch in our arsenal closely. We must not retreat.
Euelpides. You are right. But where shall we be buried if we die!
Pisthetaerus. In the Ceramicus; for, to get a public funeral, we shall
tell the High Command that we fell at Orneae fighting the country`s foes.
Leader of the Chorus. Return to your ranks and lay down your courage
beside your wrath as the hoplites do. Then let us ask these men who they are,
whence they come, and why. Here, Epops, answer me.
Epops. Are you calling me? What do you want of me?
Leader of the Chorus. Who are they? From what country?
Epops. Strangers, from Greece, the land of the wise.
Leader of the Chorus. And what fate has led them here to the land of
the birds?
Epops. Their love for you and their wish to share your kind of life; to
dwell and remain with you always.
Leader of the Chorus. Indeed! And what are their plans?
Epops. They are wonderful, incredible, unheard-of.
Leader of the Chorus. Why, do they hope to profit out of settling here?
Are they looking for our help to triumph over their foes or to be useful to
their friends?
Epops. They speak of benefits so great that it is impossible either to
describe or conceive them. All shall be yours, all that we see here, there,
above and below us. This they vouch for.
Leader of the Chorus. Are they crazy?
Epops. They`re the sanest people in the world.
Leader of the Chorus. Clever men?
Epops. The slyest of foxes, cleverness its very self, men of the world,
cunning, the cream of knowing folk.
Leader of the Chorus. Tell them to speak and speak quickly. Why, as I
listen to you, I am beside myself with delight.
Epops (to two attendants). Here, you there, take all these weapons and
hang them up inside close to the fire, near the figure of the god who presides
there and under his protection. (To Pisthetaerus) As for you, address the
birds, tell them why I have gathered them together.
Pisthetaerus. Not I, by Apollo, unless they agree with me as the little
ape of an armorer agreed with his wife: not to bite me, nor pull me by the
balls, nor shove things into my...
Euelpides (bending over). Do you mean this?
Pisthetaerus. No, I mean my eyes.
Leader of the Chorus. All right.
Pisthetaerus. Swear it.
Leader of the Chorus. I swear it; and if I keep my promise, let judges
and spectators give me the victory unanimously.
Pisthetaerus. It`s a bargain.
Leader of the Chorus. And if I break my word, may I succeed by one vote
only.
Epops (as Herald). Hearken, ye people! Hoplites, pick up your weapons
and return to your firesides. Do not fail to read the decree of
demobilization we have just posted.
Chorus (singing). Man is a truly cunning creature - but nevertheless
explain. Perhaps you are going to show me some good way to extend my power,
some way that I have not had the wit to find out and which you have
discovered. Speak: it`s to your own interest as well as mine, for if you get
me some advantage, I will surely share it with you.
Leader of the Chorus. But what can have brought you to come among us?
Speak boldly, for I shall not break the truce - until you have told us all.
Pisthetaerus. I am bursting with desire to speak. I have already mixed
the dough of my address, and nothing prevents me from kneading it. ... Slave!
bring the chaplet and the water to pour over my hands. Be quick!
Euelpides. Is it a question of feasting? What does it all mean?
Pisthetaerus. By God, no! but I am hunting for fine, tasty words to
break down the hardness of their hearts. (To the Chorus) I grieve so much
for you, who at one time were kings...
Leader of the Chorus. We, kings? Over whom?
Pisthetaerus. ... of all that exists, firstly of me and of this man, even
of Zeus himself. Your race is older than Cronus, the Titans, and the Earth.
Leader of the Chorus. What, older than the Earth!
Pisthetaerus. By Phoebus, yes.
Leader of the Chorus. By God, I never knew that before!
Pisthetaerus. That`s because you are ignorant and heedless and have never
read your Aesop. He is the one who tells us that the lark was born before all
other creatures, indeed before the Earth: his father died of sickness, but the
Earth did not exist then; he remained unburied for five days, till the poor
bird decided, for want of a better place, to entomb his father in his own
head.
Euelpides. So that the lark`s father is buried at Cephalae.
Pisthetaerus. Hence, if they existed before the Earth, before the gods,
the kingship belongs to them by right of priority.
Euelpides. Undoubtedly. But sharpen your beak well: Zeus won`t be in a
hurry to hand over his sceptre to the woodpecker.
Pisthetaerus. It was not the gods, but the birds, who were formerly the
masters and kings over men; of this I have a thousand proofs. First of all,
consider the cock, who governed the Persians before all other monarchs, before
Darius and Megabazus. It`s in memory of his reign that he is called the
Persian bird.
Euelpides. For this reason also, even today, he alone of all the birds
wears his tiara straight on his head, like the Great King.
Pisthetaerus. He was so strong, so great, so feared, that even now, on
account of his ancient power, everyone jumps out of bed as soon as ever he
crows at daybreak. Blacksmiths, potters, tanners, shoemakers, bathmen,
corn-dealers, lyre-makers and armorers - all put on their shoes and go to work
before it`s daylight.
Euelpides. I can tell you something about that. It was the cock`s fault
that I lost a splendid tunic of Phrygian wool. I was at a feast in town given
to celebrate the birth of a child. I had drunk pretty freely and had just
fallen asleep, when a cock, I suppose in a greater hurry than the rest, began
to crow. I thought it was dawn, and set out for Halimus. I had hardly got
beyond the walls when a thug hit me in the back with his blackjack: down I
went shouting, but he had already run off with my mantle.
Pisthetaerus. Once, too, the kite was ruler over the Greeks.
Leader of the Chorus. The Greeks?
Pisthetaerus. And when he was king, he was the one who first taught them
to fall on their knees before kites.
Euelpides. By God, that`s what I did myself one day on seeing a kite; but
at the moment I was on my knees and leaning backward with mouth open, so I
bolted a penny and had to carry my meal-sack home empty.
Pisthetaerus. The cuckoo was king of Egypt and of the whole of Phoenicia.
When he called out `cuckoo,` all the Phoenicians hurried to the fields to reap
their wheat and their barley.
Euelpides. Hence no doubt the proverb, `Cuckoo! cuckoo! go to the fields,
ye circumcised.`
Pisthetaerus. So powerful were the birds that the kings of Grecian cities
- Agamemnon, Menelaus, for instance - carried a bird on the tip of their
sceptres, and he had his share of all the presents.
Euelpides. That I didn`t know, and I was much astonished when I saw Priam
come upon the stage in the tragedies, with a bird whict kept watching
Lysicrates to see if he got any present.
Pisthetaerus. But the strongest proof of all is that Zeus is represented
as standing with an eagle on his head as a symbol of his royalty; his daughter
has an owl, and Phoebus, as his servant, has a hawk.
Euelpides. By Demeter, the point is well taken. But what are all these
birds doing in heaven?
Pisthetaerus. When anyone sacrifices and, according to the rite, offers
the entrails to the gods, these birds take their share before Zeus. Formerly
men always swore by the birds and never by the gods.
Euelpides. And even now Lampon swears by the goose whenever he wishes to
deceive someone.
Pisthetaerus. Thus it is clear that you were once great and sacred, but
now you are looked upon as slaves, as fools, as Maneses; stones are thrown at
you as at raving madmen, even in holy places. A crowd of bird-catchers set
snares, traps, limed twigs, and nets of all sorts for you; you are caught, you
are sold in heaps, and the buyers finger you over to make certain you are fat.
Again, if they would only serve you up simply roasted: but no, they rasp
cheese into a mixture of oil, vinegar, and frankincense, to which they add
another sweet and greasy sauce, and the whole is poured scalding hot over your
backs, for all the world as if you were diseased meat.
Chorus (singing). Man, your words have made my heart bleed! I have
groaned over the treachery of our fathers, who knew not how to transmit to us
the high rank they held from their forefathers. But `tis a benevolent Genius,
a happy Fate, that sends you to us. You shall be our deliverer, and I place
the destiny of my little ones and my own in your hands with every confidence.
Leader of the Chorus. But hasten to tell me what must be done. We should
not be worthy to live if we did not seek to regain our royalty by every
possible means.
Pisthetaerus. First I advise that the birds gather together in one city
and that they build a wall of great bricks, like that at Babylon, round the
plains of the air and the whole region of space that divides earth from
heaven.
Epops. Oh Cebriones! oh Porphyrion! what a mightily strong place!
Pisthetaerus. Then, when this has been well done and completed, you
demand back the empire from Zeus. If he will not agree, if he refuses and does
not at once confess himself beaten, you declare a scared war against him and
forbid the gods henceforward to pass through your country with their tools up,
as they have been doing, for the purpose of laying their Alcmenes, their
Alopes, or their Semeles! If they try to pass through, put rings on their
tools so they can`t make love any longer. And send another messenger to
mankind, to proclaim to them that the birds are kings; that for the future
they must first of all sacrifice to them, and only afterwards to the gods;
that it is fitting to appoint to each deity the bird that has most in common
with it. For instance, if they sacrifice to Aphrodite, let them at the same
time offer barley to the coot; if they immolate a sheep to Poseidon, let them
consecrate wheat in honor of the duck; if a steer is being offered to
Heracles, let honey-cakes be dedicated to the gull; if a goat is being slain
for King Zeus, there is a King-Bird, the wren, to whom the sacrifice of a male
gnat is due before Zeus himself, even.
Euelpides. This notion of an immolated gnat delights me. And now let the
great Zeus thunder!
Leader of the Chorus. But how will mankind recognize us as gods and not
as jays? Us, who have wings and fly?
Pisthetaerus. You talk rubbish! Hermes is a god and has wings, and flies,
and so do many other gods. First of all, Victory flies with golden wings. Eros
is undoubtedly winged too, and Iris is compared by Homer to a timorous dove.
Euelpides. But will not Zeus thunder and send his winged bolts against
us?
Leader of the Chorus. What if men in their blindness do not recognize us
as gods, and continue to worship the dwellers on Olympus?
Pisthetaerus. Then a cloud of sparrows greedy for corn must descend upon
their fields and eat up all their seeds; we shall see then if Demeter will
mete them out any wheat.
Euelpides. By God, she`ll take good care she does not, and you will see
her inventing a thousand excuses.
Pisthetaerus. The crows too will prove your divinity to men by pecking
out the eyes of their flocks and of their draught-oxen; and then let Apollo
cure them, since he is a physician and is paid for the purpose.
Euelpides. Oh, don`t do that! Wait first until I have sold my two young
bullocks.
Pisthetaerus. If on the other hand they recognize that you are God, the
principle of life, that you are Earth, Cronos, Poseidon, they shall be loaded
with benefits.
Leader of the Chorus. Name me one of these.
Pisthetaerus. First, the locusts shall not eat up their vine-blossoms:
a legion of owls and kestrels will devour them. Moreover, the gnats and the
gallbugs shall no longer ravage the fig: a flock of thrushes shall swallow the
whole host down to the very last.
Leader of the Chorus. And how shall we give wealth to mankind? This is
their ruling passion.
Pisthetaerus. When they consult the omens, you will point them to the
richest mines, you will reveal the paying ventures to the diviner, and not
another shipwreck will happen or sailor perish.
Leader of the Chorus. No more shall perish? How is that?
Pisthetaerus. When the auguries are examined before starting on a voyage,
some bird will not fail to say, `Don`t start! there will be a storm,` or else,
`Go! you will make a most profitable venture.`
Euelpides. I`ll buy a trading-vessel and go to sea. I`m through with you.
Pisthetaerus. You will discover treasures to them, which were buried in
former times; for you know them. Do not all men say, `None knows where my
treasure lies, unless maybe some bird`?
Euelpides. I`ll sell my boat and buy a spade ho dig up the jars.
Leader of the Chorus. And how are we to give them health, which belongs
to the gods?
Pisthetaerus. If they are happy, is not that the best part of health? The
miserable man is never well.
Leader of the Chorus. Old Age also dwells on Olympus. How will they get
at it? Must they die in early youth?
Pisthetaerus. Why, the birds, by Zeus, will add three hundred years to
their life.
Leader of the Chorus. From whom will they take them?
Pisthetaerus. From whom? Why, from themselves. Don`t you know the cawing
crow lives five times as long as a man?
Euelpides. Ah! These are far better kings for us than Zeus!
Pisthetaerus (solemnly). Far better, are they not? And firstly, we shall
not have to build them temples of hewn stone, closed with gates of gold: they
will dwell amongst the bushes and in the thickets of green oak: the most
venerated of birds will have no other temple than the foliage of the olive
tree. We shall not go to Delphi or to Ammon to sacrifice; but standing erect
in the midst of arbutus and wild olives and holding forth our hands filled
with wheat and barley, we shall pray them to admit us to a share of the
blessings they enjoy and shall at once obtain them for a few grains of wheat.
Leader of the Chorus. Old man, whom I detested, you are now to me the
dearest of all. Never shall I fail to follow your advice.
Chorus (singing). Inspired by your words, I threaten my rivals the gods,
and I swear that if you march in alliance with me against the gods and are
faithful to our just, loyal and sacred bond, we shall soon shatter their
sceptre.
Leader of the Chorus. We shall charge ourselves with the performance
of everything that requires force. Any thought and deliberation shall be
yours to supply.
Epops. By God, it`s no longer the time to delay and loiter like Nicias!
Let us act as promptly as possible. In the first place, come, enter my nest
built of brushwood and blades of straw, and tell me your names.
Pisthetaerus. That is soon done. My name is Pisthetaerus, and his,
Euelpides, of the deme Thria.
Epops. Good! and good luck to you.
Pisthetaerus. We accept the omen.
Epops. Come in here.
Pisthetaerus. Very well, you are the one who must lead us and introduce
us.
Epops. Come, then. (He starts to fly away.)
Pisthetaerus (stopping him). Oh, my God, do come back here! Hi! tell us
how we are to follow you. You can fly; we can`t.
Epops. Oh.
Pisthetaerus. Remember Aesop`s fables. It is told there that the fox
fared very badly because he had made an alliance with the eagle.
Epops. Never mind. You shall eat a certain root, and wings will grow
on your shoulders.
Pisthetaerus. Then let us go in. Xanthias and Manodorus, pick up our
baggage.
Leader of the Chorus. Hi! Epops! do you hear me?
Epops. What`s the matter?
Leader of the Chorus. Take them off to dine well, and call your mate,
sweet Procne, whose songs are worthy of the Muses; she will delight our
leisure moments.
Pisthetaerus. Oh I conjure you, grant their wish; for this delightful
bird will leave her rushes at the sound of your voice. For the sake of the
gods, let her come here, so that we may contemplate the nightingale.
Epops. As you like. Come forth, Procne, show yourself to these strangers.
(Procne appears; she resembles a young flute-girl.)
Pisthetaerus. Oh great Zeus! What a beautiful little bird! what a dainty
form. What brilliant plumage! How I should like to get between her thighs!
Euelpides. She`s dazzling all over with gold, like a young girl. How I
should like to kiss her!
Pisthetaerus. Why, you old roue, she has two little sharp points on her
beak!
Euelpides. I`d treat her like an egg; we take off the shell before
eating; I`d take off her mask and kiss her pretty face.
Epops. Let us go in.
Pisthetaerus. Lead the way, and success attend us! (Epops goes into the
thicket, followed by Pisthetaerus an Euelpides.)
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